In the past 3 months, I have had to ethanized 4 of my own personal pets. Cherry~a lovebird, Panda~a rat, Mariah~a dog, and most recently, Valentina~a cat. I have to say that I feel a little bit like I have been repeatedly run over by a truck. I have spent the last 8+ years trying to make up for the lack of compassion and responsiblity shown towards animals by their owners. But at times, like now, or when I have to say no to an animal in need, or an animal is too sick or aggressive to be saved and I have to make the decision to end their suffering I wonder "Why am I doing this?".
Recenty, my cousin, Lee Ellen and I were discussing how overwhelming my animal rescue ambition often is for me. I tend to forget myself and sadly sometimes my family too as I am so overwhelmed with sadness at having to admit that I cannot save them all. It was in this conversation that she reminded me of the "orphanage" that I used to run in my basement as a child. In this "establishment I "cared" for unwanted "children". There was an area for sleeping, feeding, medical care, and playtime. I cannot even imagine how much time I spent playing "orphanage"....it was by far my favorite thing to do. Was it the beginning of my destiny?
The overwhelming times...such as ... holding Rascal (a wire-haired JRT)in my arms as he bled out and died of parvo because his owners were too irresponsible to have him vaccinated, or watching the pound website to see if an abandoned Rottweiler girl, only known as a number at the Summit count pound, was rescued by somebody before she ran out of time only to see that she had been euthanized hours before one of my fosters got adopted allowing room at my home for her, or the black lab/Greyhound mix that died at the Stark County pound because I chose to take an ex-racer instead, or Peaches the feral orange cat that I took in, had spayed, vacciated and released to find her dead on the side of the road just 3 days later, or the feral kittens that I just couldn't tame, or Newton, the big white cat with huge gorgeous green eyes, that I saved off the street only to have to have him euthanized because he had aids....or the little tortie cat roaming around my neighborhood with the frozen off tail that I have been trying to catch for months now, that I finally did catch only to have to let her go because she has babies...now I can only leave food out for her and hope that I can still save her and maybe her babies too....
So here I am, asking again, "Why am I doing this?"..."Is it my destiny"....am I strong enough to fullfill it? At what cost? How can I continue to make a difference without drowning in the sorrow that comes with it?
